I've been told that I'm too gullible. I trust people too easily and almost always end up getting hurt. I don’t want to believe that it's true, but judging by all the things I've encountered, it's hard to say I’m not. Anyway, there’s something that’s been bothering me these past few days, something stupid.

Just recently, my sister told me that she heard Nam telling Lily that she was the prettiest girl in church. Supposedly, I‘m not even in the “top 2”.
It didn’t take me long to feel like crap. I can’t help but think that whatever he told me before, about being "beautiful" was all bullshit. Should I really care though? I feel so dumb for being upset about it…but it’s so hard not to be just a little bit hurt. I've been dying to ask him about it, but I’d probably sound dumb. I guess I’ll never get to know where I stand or if everything he said to me was just one big lie. Am I wrong for being upset?

Well, whatever. I won’t let superficial crap bother me. I had a talk with him on Sunday and I guess the only thing that matters is that he cares about me. I feel bad for accusing him of using me but i also don't blame myself for feeling that way. I've gone through a lot with this guy and it's hard to keep a strong relationship with him when we barely communicate. Furthermore, I've been hurt too many to believe some of the things he's said. However, it wasn't until after i saw how hurt he was by my accusations that i realized he wasn't using me. I really believe everything he says. I have so many questions i want to ask him though. I just don't think its the right time.

I can't think right now. I might have to take a nap and come back later. I still have so many things I want to say.

I'm being bombarded with work today yet I'm sitting around watching youtube videos and thinking about desperate housewives. WHICH I must say is an fabulous show. I loveee it. I'm only on the first season(they just started their 6th season) and I'm hooked. I was hooked since the first episode actually. So yeah..desperate housewives is a must see :]

Anyway, I've been really tired lately. And when I'm tired, I'm really annoyed..of people..like Thomas or Stacy  Thomas has been texting me about hanging out and Stacy has been nagging me to go to homecoming. I really don't want to go dude. Stacy has money and the rest of us don't. We don't want to waste it on something we know won't be fun. I'd rather go to my house and chill. Unfortunately, Stacy always gets what she wants soo.. we're still fighting about it. Did I mention that Stacy spent $200 on her homecoming dress? Yeah. Totally ridiculous. I wouldn't even spend $100 on my prom dress. I'M CHEAP..or actually. I'M SMART. Whatever. I'm not going. I'd rather spend time with the kids on Saturday. Hmmm....Yeah that's what's been bothering me.

What else...
Oh yeah. Carol blew up on Saturday. It's really none of my business but it sort of annoyed me. I love her and I understand where she's coming from..but blowing up on the guys was a little too much. Basically, we had to come up with a theme related game for the kids to play. They're all about 6-9 or something like that..so it's not really hard to entertain them. Anyway, Nam sort of came up with a game on the spot. I was there with him and I thought it would be a fun game too. Unfortunately, we didn't realize how "boring" and poorly constructed the game was. The theme was teamwork and the objective of the game was to work together in groups to try to form the shape of whatever(ex. square). The kids had to do this as quickly as possible. Which ever group finished first earned the point. The kids were divided into 3 groups of 7. Three older kids were assigned to each group to assist the kids. This wasn't a good idea because we ended up controlling the game. The little kids got really bored and started complaining...some of them..not all.
Yeah so it was time for lunch. We all sat at the same lunch benches enjoying our meal. I left to grab some water and when I came back Carol was crying over the game. We were all put into an awkward position as we listened to her argue about how unsuccessful the game was. I don't know why I got so annoyed. Almost everything she said made sense. There was nothing wrong with demanding more respect from the guys and there was nothing wrong with being more organized. I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm not as sensitive but when the guys tease me or act mean to me..I kind of blow it off as..whatever. I don't care and I know they don't mean it. She needs to chill. Then she started accusing the guys of coming up with a stupid game that the kids didn't like. Ok..i don't know if it was just my group but it felt like the kids were having fun. Sure, we weren't following through with the theme but who cares? Phi said that it looked like they were having fun. GOOD. That's all that really matters to me. Furthermore, not all games are going to be successful. Not every kid is going to love whatever you offer them. Why can't carol understand their position?? It's not easy being in college and having to come to TN and take care of kids all day long. The guys didn't mean to bore the kids. Shes so annoying dammit. Whatever I know I'm wrong but I wasn't the only person who agreed that Carol was being a little unfair to the guys.


I think I'm going to get something to eat.
I'll finish my hw..before midnight hopefully...